After the honeymoon phase wears off reality sets in and the strengths and weaknesses of your partner will become more obvious than ever before. Over time you may find that you and your partner are growing apart, finding it more difficult to connect, and even losing interest in one another. The good news is every relationship will have its ebbs and flows through time. Getting back into the mindset of being oriented towards your partner, however, is highly important in keeping your marriage or relationship going. The good news is every relationship can be saved if it’s addressed early enough. Follow this guide and the tips we recommend to start saving your marriage.
Start Early
Perhaps the most important aspect of rekindling that love and light with your partner is timing. After a certain amount of time if one partner begins to mentally check out of the relationship that’s often a sign that the disconnect has gone on too long. Instead, you’ll want to check in on the health of your relationship from time to time. As soon as you notice something going wart it may be time to start thinking about how to change course and adjust aspects of your life. Most of the time problems in a relationship start small and if addressed early enough can avoid the building of resentment and anger toward one another. So, you may be wondering how you spot small problems before they become big ones.
Weekly Check In’s
One fantastic approach to catching problems early on is by doing weekly check in’s. The idea is simple, once a week set aside some time for you and your partner to sit down and talk. Make sure to avoid distractions, turn the tv off, put down the phones, and just be with one another. During your check-in, it’s best to start with one partner sharing how they are feeling about the relationship, anything they like, and anything they feel needs to be addressed. It’s very important to not interrupt during this time and simply listen to your partner the best you can. After all, the purpose of the check-in is to make both of you closer to one another. Next, try your best to address aspects of what your partner said. Then, it’s your turn to do the same. Doing this at least once a week can help establish healthier boundaries, and more open communication between one another, and find small problems before they become major problems.
Plan It
After your weekly check in’s it may also help to map out exactly what the problems are and what the solutions look like. For example, if one partner plays video games every night after work and the other partner feels neglected you could map out a solution that works for you best. The good news is each couple will have a different resolution so be willing to work on different solutions until you both find something that works. For example, the partner who plays video games may want to set aside a few nights every week to spend quality time with their partner rather than play video games alone. At the same time, the other partner may want to work on creating a list of activities and things to do to spend quality time with one another in the first place.
It may also help to establish when those goals should be achieved and how to keep track of them. For example, over the course of the next two weeks, you may want to spend more time with one another. Make an action plan on what that looks like and a time/date when you can check in to see if those goals have been met. You may want to also plan for ways to check in on those goals over time to ensure your goals are staying met. Either way, be willing to compromise and try new things. If you try one thing to reach a goal and fail don’t give up, sometimes you need to learn from your failures to figure out what works best for both of you.
Look Within
Apart from working together towards goals, you should also seek to evaluate yourself within. After all, you are 50% responsible for how the relationship and how well it goes. Therefore, it is important that you as a person are happy, content in life, and meeting your own goals and growth in life. Again, this will look different for everyone involved. You can start the process by spending some time every week doing a little check-in.
Start Scanning
The best way to look within and get started setting goals is to start by scanning how you’re feeling overall. Are you happy, stressed, anxious, content, etc? How do you feel when around your partner or in day-to-day life? Are you achieving enough personal growth and happiness in your own life? If you are unsatisfied with your life or where you are so far then it may be time to focus on some self-improvement to be a better person in your relationship.
Weekly Maintenance
Just like a relationship or marriage requires maintenance you also need to work on yourself to be the best partner possible. You should set aside time every week to do something that develops you further. Many people turn to meditation to calm their minds and become more aware of how their minds/thoughts work. Others turn to going to the gym, religion, or other self-improvement measures and hobbies that they feel help them progress in life.
Never Assume Anything
Outside of working on yourself, you also need to start changing the way you perceive the other partner if you are having trouble. It’s best to never assume how or what the other partner is thinking or doing. If you don’t have direct evidence of what your partner is thinking then it may be unfair to assume that’s how your partner feels. Using this method of thinking will also help you be more direct and willing to communicate openly with your partner as well. It will also be important to never assume how your partner feels towards you or something you did. Instead, simply speak with your partner directly about how they’re doing and keep that dialogue open.
Establish Boundaries
Shared regard and trust are vital for a blissful marriage, and if those two things have been lost, you’ll have to find them once more. ‘Couples get into approaches to cooperating and they don’t address it. They continue to make it happen,’ says Torres-Gregory.
To limit snapping and horrendous remarks, draw up certain guidelines for the relationship concerning correspondence. ‘At the point when you love and regard your accomplice, there are things you shouldn’t do or say,’ she says. For example, when you battle from now on, vow not to swear at one another or resort to ridiculing. Once more, the more useful correspondence you can have, the better your possibilities of taking care of hidden problems.
Physical Contact Is Important
This aspect doesn’t include intimate time with your partner (although that is important). Instead, this includes non-sexual touch such as hugging, kissing, holding hands, and cuddling with one another. By touching each one more often you continually establish personal connections that bring both of you closer to one another.
Show Appreciation More Often
Along with more contact with one another, it’s a good idea to show your appreciation towards your partner through various means. Compose a sweet note of gratitude to your companion and conceal it where they can undoubtedly track down it: in their lunchbox, on the dashboard of their vehicle, on the washroom reflect, or somewhere comparable. Astounding how a little note like this can light up somebody’s day. In any event, writing a message onto a tacky note can put forth the entirety of their everyday attempts feel more beneficial.
Give Them Some Space
Some people in relationships need quality over quantity. Some people may need time to replenish and restore themselves by having alone time. A couple of long stretches of calm time might just be #1 on your companion’s list of things to get, particularly if the person is exhausted or focusing on small kids. Or on the other hand, they may very well need a break from their normal errands. Regardless, offer the person in question the chance to get that required time, whether it implies a few hours to twist up with a book, or you assuming control over their tasks for the afternoon.
Say Thank You More Often
Saying ‘thank you,’ giving gifts, and telling others aren’t exactly enough; you need to act appreciatively toward your companion. Try to see what they do and to regard the work they’re placing in for you, on whatever front-whether they’re maintaining a business, running the family, or a blend of both. Try not to underestimate that person. Be scrupulous and smart, and take care to ensure that you’re not subverting or fixing their endeavors in any capacity.
Give A Gift Just Because
Another great way to help heal and troubled relationship is through gift-giving. In some cases, your partner’s ‘love language’ may be gift-giving. To some people this shows affection and that you were thinking about that person even when you weren’t with them. In some cases, reminders of good times like engagement custom jewelry may bring a smile to their face. Other gifts like an Audi may provide some fun and excitement in your relationship as well. Cheaper than other vehicle options could be a new golf cart.
Share New Experiences
One of the best ways to spice it up and have fun with your partner is through sharing a new and fun experience with your partner. This will be many different things for different people. The specific event or activity isn’t as important as simply being with one another and spending time with one another. You could think about buying a gift card to a welding class. If you’re feeling physical discomfort, try going to an acupuncture doctor to spend time together. You may even consider getting a new tattoo together, whether they match or you simply get them around the same time together. The experience itself can be fun for each other. You could also do activities around the house like planting and maintaining a garden together if you both enjoy time outdoors or cooking and baking your ingredients. Either way, try to change things up and make something interesting and fun happen for you and your partner to enjoy. Date nights are always fun, so maybe visit your local hibachi restaurant.
Things to Watch Out For
Alongside things you can do to make your marriage better, there are also many things to watch out for to avoid issues. For instance, many people think that having a child will bring them closer to their partner and help them grow closer. The truth is, having a child will test even the healthiest couple and push both to their limits. Instead, avoid having a child if your marriage is going through a troubled time. You don’t want to have to worry about buying new things like baby cribs or waking up every 2 hours if your relationship is already in trouble.
Big Changes and Moving
You’ll also want to try and avoid major life changes while your relationship is undergoing much-needed repair. For instance, residential moving can put a strain on your relationship that may metaphorically ‘break the camel’s back and lead to separation. Instead, try your best to keep things as steady and predictable as possible. This will allow you and your partner to avoid un-needed stress and instead spend time growing closer to one another. Also, be sure to set aside time every week to work on your marriage, and be sure to never forget that you must first be happy with yourself and content to be a good partner.
