Updated 12/14/20
There is a tendency to think that divorce is a dreadful situation that means the end of the world. That is certainly not the case, nowadays divorces mean taking charge of your life and sticking to life-changing decisions that matter. The best way to divorce is with the right kind of divorce attorney by your side to help you answer the most basic divorce questions you may be unsure of. Sometimes people get confused by common divorce terms and cannot focus on the real issues that need to be dealt with. The question that is significant when faced with such is, can you fight a divorce without the help of a divorce attorney?
Basic divorce questions that you may fail to understand can become the key focus areas when your settlement is being heard in front of a judge, so it’s important to let your divorce attorney go through them with you. Common divorce terms confuse people and they end up agreeing on things that they wouldn’t have agreed to had they had a better understanding.
Having someone to take care of the headache-inducing common divorce terms and to assist you with all the basic divorce questions is a better way to divorce in this day and age.
When we exchange wedding rings, we do so with the hope that the bond they symbolize will last forever. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. Nearly half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce and nearly 872,000 divorces occur every year. It appears that “‘til death do us part” is becoming more of a suggestion than a promise. However, this is often for a very good reason.
No longer the taboo subject that it used to be, divorce is a common part of most people’s lives — and there are several reasons why couples split. Even the most well-intentioned couples can end up divorced for a myriad of reasons. In many instances, divorce can even end up being the best thing for a couple, in terms of both physical and mental well-being.
While all marriages have their ups and downs, some problems can cause more tension than others. To better understand the reasons behind divorce today, here are 10 of the most common reasons people give for divorcing their partners.
1. Poor Communication
Solid relationships are built atop strong communication; a lack thereof can lead to bitter problems that continue to grow the longer they are ignored. Couples that cannot communicate effectively risk more frequent arguments, frustration, and resentment. If you and your partner spend more time throwing around accusations and insults than you do sitting down and having a mindful conversation, then you may find your relationship quickly turning into a nasty divorce process.
Healthy communication is essential and setting aside a day every week to speak openly can help improve the marriage dynamic and prevent this age-old mistake. However, both partners have to be willing to work together to fix this problem. If you’re not sharing equal responsibility, even the best-intentioned attempts will fall through. For this reason, communication tops the most common reasons for divorce list.
2. Fundamental Differences
While marrying someone of a different religion or political background may not seem like a huge deal, it can also quickly lead to discontent within a relationship. For instance, the Catholic Church has specific marriage requirements that, at first, a non-Catholic partner may not care about. However, this can quickly change if they feel their beliefs are being ignored. This can further be exasperated when children become involved, as one parent may not want the other’s religion imposed upon them. While it may not seem like a big deal at the start, there’s a reason this made the most common reasons for divorce list.
Similarly, in today’s tumultuous political climate, conservative and liberal partners can clash heatedly. This can escalate quickly and drive an irremovable wedge between partners that will only lead to inevitable separation and divorce. Differences like this should be thoroughly worked through before any vows are exchanged — and even then, things can change throughout the course of a marriage. While compromise can be achieved, sometimes these two fundamental differences are simply too much to overcome.
3. Physical Changes
Unforuntely finding itself on the most common reasons for divorce list, appearance changes come into play. In a perfect world, appearance wouldn’t matter within a relationship. However, changes in physical appearance are a major cause of divorce today. Some couples are able to work through this problem with the help of a life coach. But sadly, in many cases, they end up seeking divorce help rather than counseling.
Weight gain, in particular, is one of the top changes cited as the contributing factor in a divorce. It can lead to a further lack of intimacy and lowered self-esteem on the part of the person who has gained weight. When coupled with unrealistic expectations and a lack of communication, this is yet another issue that can be tough to overcome.
4. Infidelity
It shouldn’t come as a surprise to see this on the most common reasons for divorce list. When one partner is unfaithful, it can completely decimate a relationship and quickly lead to a divorce lawyer becoming involved. When one partner has an affair, it can feel like a complete betrayal to the other. And while it can be possible to move past, the shattered trust often proves too difficult to repair, even when both parties genuinely try to make it work. While there are many reasons why a partner would turn to infidelity, most often it can stem from a lack of communication, intimacy, or the feeling of no longer being desired by their spouse.
Problems like this are often something that isn’t talked about openly between partners. It can be hard to open up about the factors leading towards infidelity — and in some cases, the unfaithful partner won’t even consider talking about it. Each case will be different, but ultimately most will still end in divorce.
5. Monetary Differences
While not necessarily a surprise on the most common reasons for divorce list, money can play a large part in a couple deciding to divorce. Most specifically, if one partner accumulates a lot of debt or enjoys spending more than the household can afford, discord can occur. Habits like these may even require help from bankruptcy lawyers. This can devastate the credit scores of both parties if they have combined finances. In cases like this, one spouse may decide enough is enough and seek a divorce before having their finances further impacted.
The best way to avoid monetary problems in marriage is to discuss financial expectations before walking down the aisle. Consider if your spending and financial goals align or if you both have radically different habits. If a compromise isn’t able to be reached, it could spell disaster once you’re married. Sadly, you may need legal help if you reach this point with your partner.
6. Addiction
Because of its harmful nature, addiction takes its place on the most common reasons for divorce list. While an unfortunate and personally devastating thing, addiction is another leading cause of divorce. Opioid addiction, in particular, has seen an alarming spike in recent years. However, addiction itself can take many forms. From alcoholism to pornography, there are many habits that may seem innocuous at first that can quickly spiral into a harmful addiction.
Addictions can also contribute to monetary problems, such as those mentioned above, especially if one spouse is spending household funds to fuel their habits. While interventions and treatment can help, oftentimes addiction proves too much for all but a handful of relationships. Furthermore, if children are involved, addiction in the home can be harmful to them, especially in the case of substance abuse. Witnessing a parent’s addiction can cause damage to them as they grow and it could even make them more likely to develop their own addictions in the future. In cases like this, the children’s well-being should always come first.
7. Abuse
A dangerous and terrible problem, domestic abuse makes the most common reasons for divorce list. Both physical and emotional abuse can cause abused partners to feel helpless and powerless within a relationship. Depending on the extent of the abuse, it can also make a partner feel trapped and unable to seek help. However, there are safe and supportive outlets designed to help people in situations like this. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is aimed at helping get abused partners help.
In the case of abuse, it isn’t a relationship issue in the same way as other divorce factors are. Rather, it is an issue that lies with the abusive party. If a relationship is abusive, separation is the best thing to ensure safety in the abused party. Similarly to the above, if children are involved, removing them from the situation should be priority number one.
8. Getting Married Young
Possibly a surprising addition to the most common reasons for divorce list, getting married at a young age is also a leading cause of many divorces. Oftentimes when couples marry young, they aren’t prepared and have unrealistic expectations for what they want in a long-term relationship. When couples marry too young, they often haven’t had enough time to figure out themselves or what they want. This can create tension and even cause a feeling of a lost sense of self. No one stays the same, especially throughout the course of a marriage. When two people marry in their 20s, they will often find that the person they are, and the person they married, are two radically different people 10 years later.
The things you want, the things you believe, and the person that you are are more likely to change when you get married at a young age. This is because you are still learning and growing throughout your 20s, and often even into your 30s. While strong communication can sometimes overcome these changes, more often than not a relationship that started too young will end in divorce.
9. A Lack of Intimacy
Intimacy is always at its peak during the start of a relationship. However, after years it can begin to wane. Unfortunately, this makes the most common reasons for divorce list. When intimacy disappears one or both partners may begin to feel disconnected from one another. While all couples go through a dry spell, if it goes on for too long with communication, disaster can strike. A lack of intimacy is one of the leading reasons for infidelity, an event that can be nearly impossible to overcome.
Many couples tend to experience a lack of intimacy after the birth of a child. This can be due to a reduction in alone time, general tiredness, or even the feeling of lowered desirability on the part of the mother. In cases like this, couples could end up risking a child custody battle if they’re unable to find a healthy compromise.
10. Falling Out of Love
While it may overly simple, feelings may naturally change over time. A somber addition to the most common reasons for divorce list, there isn’t always a sudden betrayal, a slammed door, or a final fight. Unfortunately, people just drift apart. In instances like this, both parties may be able to come to a quick and easy divorce compromise. However, if one partner is still in love while the other isn’t, things may get messy. Children could further complicate this, especially if the partner who is still in love tries to guilt the other into staying for the sake of the kids.
If a couple stays together, despite one or both not being in love, it can also lead to additional problems. Communication may break down further, and infidelity may arise if none is available within the marriage. Oftentimes, even with children involved, divorce is the best-case scenario, as it allows both parties to distance themselves amicably, without the risk of additional problems.
No Longer a Stigma
Divorce used to be a taboo subject and it often came with a stigma attached. However, divorce is now a common part of life — and even couples who marry with the best intentions can end up in courtroom battles. As shown by the most common reasons for divorce list, no marriage is easy. While there are many that succeed, it’s always good to know when a split is best for both parties. Staying in an unsafe or unhappy situation can lead to detrimental mental health problems that will only end up causing more harm the longer a person stays in that position.
Issues with communication, money, and physical appearance can be resolved through with counseling and hard work. But if both parties aren’t 100% dedicated, even the most well-planned attempts can fail. In other cases where addiction and abuse are a factor, sometimes it’s best to walk away altogether. While it may be tempting to stay and try to fix the problem, especially if you’re still in love with the person, if safety is being put at risk, distance is often the best thing. This goes doubly if children are involved in the environment.
At the end of the day, divorce is something that no one wants to have to go through and it can be an emotionally draining process. Certainly, no one enters into a marriage with the intention of getting divorced. However, no matter what the circumstances, sometimes it is ultimately the best thing for both partners.
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